Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
