TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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