how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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