Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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