No awkward lesbian experiences without me
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
