I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
