We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
