my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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