Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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