they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Even my vagina gasped.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
