I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
