Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol