you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
