I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's blow job season.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
