i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
