Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert