So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize