You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.