I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time