it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
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Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
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He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted