Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
