***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
