I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
