We won't sleep together?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
