I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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