I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
