I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
