Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
