So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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