Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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