i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
