His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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