I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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