The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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