no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
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