Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
