She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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