That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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