On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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