I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
