she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
