maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
