can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
