Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
