never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
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