I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
