If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
