Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
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