did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
