it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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