So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
