My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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