I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
