how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We left an ass print on the piano.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
