I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
