So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
