Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
His nipple licking is glorious
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