i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
