then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
