Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
