I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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