Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
