Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize