I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
