Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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