Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
