NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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