Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
