woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
sex in a hospital.. check
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
