i just sent this text using only my big toe
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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