Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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