her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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