i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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