we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
