Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
