Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize