dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
