Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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