you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
