I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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